Rob and I spend a lot of time laughing. Our couple-talk is usually peppered with quotes from our favorite movies and TV shows, plus all kinds of inside jokes that NO ONE else would get. I like to think that if someone were running surveillance on our household, they would be totally in the dark about what the heck we actually mean most of the time. Last night as I was saying goodnight to Rob (who goes to bed about 2-3 hours before I do – read why HERE), he said something that made me laugh out loud and then made me really think. He said this:
“You make ‘Honey’ into a 4-letter word.”
It was in the context of something else that I don’t remember now, but we both laughed as I admitted that the word “honey” in our house has come to be attached to a whole lot of requests. In fact, it is pretty much the preface to ANYTHING I ask of Rob.
Honey, can you help me get the kids in the car?
Honey, can you hang this picture?
Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee?
Honey, can you turn that down?
Honey, will you get Cooper off the table?
Honey? Honey? HONEY?!?!
There is a whole lot of honey in my house, but it isn’t always sweet.
Don’t get me wrong— marriage is a partnership. Rob and I have figured out our patterns of how we work and balance the different things that go on in and around our home. Or, I should say that we ARE figuring it out. With each new kid and stage of life, we adjust as necessary for US. This looks different in every home and for every family and that’s a good thing.
But maybe you, like me, have a catch phrase that has become like a 4-letter word because it is ALWAYS attached with some kind of request. Honey is no longer a pet name, but the word I use when I’m about to call in a favor or ask for some kind of help, usually outside of the scope of the normal things Rob already handles. These are the extra things. These are the favors. These are the I-know-you-just-sat-down-to-read-but-can-you-do-this-instead?
Though we both laughed, I took this comment and filed it away. Rob wasn’t being critical. Again, we were in the midst of a silly conversation. But at the same time, this is totally TRUE. “Honey” is no longer a pet name or an endearing term. It’s the word he hears when I’m about to ask him to stop doing whatever it is he’s doing to help me do something else. I’m sure in many ways Honey HAS become a 4-letter word. It is a word filled with expectation that I need or want something from him. A taking word, not a giving word.
As I said, figuring out the way you work as a family takes adjusting and we are always adapting. This conversation tonight challenged me to think the next time I hear “Honey” come out of my mouth. Am I encouraging Rob or using the name to be sweet? Or am I about to ask for Rob to do something that I COULD do myself? Am I doing enough encouraging or too much asking? You better believe I’ll be thinking about this the next time I say honey.
How about you— do you have any phrases that have become 4-letter words in your home?? Share below in the comments!